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February 23, 2020

Once upon a time, there was a teeny-tiny mouse named Ditchy-Mitchy.

One day, Ditchy-Mitchy was eating a deep-fried, breaded pork tenderloin sandwich on the steps of the Indiana Statehouse when... KER-WHACK! ...something smacked Ditchy-Mitchy against the side of his head!

"By golly, gosh darn, goodness gracious sakes alive!" said Ditchy-Mitchy in his patented, well-practiced, down-home Hoosier accent. "The Democrats are a-fixin' to bankrupt the state, I'd a-better git a-goin' down to the southern part of the state and warn the 'folks' of this MIGHTY DANGEROUS CIRCUMSTANCE!"

So Ditchy-Mitchy hopped on his Harley and roared out of town to warn 'the folks'.

Before long, Ditchy-Mitchy met Chickie-Lickie. "Where are you going Ditchy-Mitchy?" asked Chickie-Lickie. "I'm a-goin' down to the river to tell the folks that Indiana's evil Democrats are dastardly bastards! Come with me!" So Ditchy-Mitchy and Chickie-Lickie joined forces to tell 'the folks' that Democrats are evil.

Soon they met Spooky-Lukey. "Hey, Ditchy-Mitchy and Chickie-Lickie, where are you going?" asked Spooky-Lukey. "We're a-goin' to tell the folks that Hat Trick-Patrick is a-spendin' my tax surplus!" said Ditchy-Mitchy.

"Can I come too?" asked Spooky-Lukey.

"Darn tootin' you can, Spooky-Lukey! Climb aboard!" said Ditchy-Mitchy.

It wasn't long until they met Mockface-Pockface. "Where are you all going in such a dadgum hurry?" asked Mockface-Pockface.

"We're a-tellin' folks the evil Democrats are a-stealin' our money!" replied Ditchy-Mitchy, Chickie-Lickie and Spooky-Lukey in unison.

"Dang!" exclaimed Mockface-Pockface, "I'm a-comin' with y'all!"

About a mile down the road the entourage met Crazy-Mazie. "Has anyone seen my hairless yo-yo?" asked Crazy-Mazie. Ditchy-Mitchy paused the motorcycle just long enough to allow Spooky-Lukey to douse Crazy-Mazie with a strawberry Slushie-Wushie. Then Ditchy-Mitchy popped a wheelie and sped away.

"Eat my exhaust!" squealed Ditchy-Mitchy while the others giggled, snorted and snickered until frozen Slushies exploded from their nostrils.

After awhile, Ditchy-Mitchy, Chickie-Lickie, Spooky-Lukey and Mockface-Pockface met Knock-Knock Poppycock.

"Knock! Knock!" yelled Knock-Knock Poppycock.

"Who's there?" asked Ditchy-Mitchy.

"Adolph!" replied Knock-Knock Poppycock.

"Adolph who?" asked Mitchy-Ditchy.

"A-dolph ball hit me in de mowf!" answered Knock-Knock Poppycock.

Meanwhile, Truthie-Ruthie came skipping down the road. "What's going on?" asked Truthie-Ruthie.

"Hat Trick Patrick and his evil gang of Democrats are a-goin' to force me to shut down the government!" frothed Ditchy-Mitchy.

"I don't understand," replied Truthie-Ruthie. "Well," said Ditchy-Mitchy, "the Democratic leader who controls the Indiana House supports a one-year budget that will DESTROY the state's finances, create a massive future TAX INCREASE, and cause puppies to GO BLIND!"

"What!!?" said Truthie-Ruthie.

"Therefore, I feel compelled to inform the folks that if MY BUDGET isn't passed by midnight Tuesday, the entire state will shut down and it will be the FAULT OF THE DEMOCRATS!", continued Ditchy-Mitchy.

"Are you telling the 'folks' that a government shutdown is only a remote possibility and that you are intentionally attempting to get everyone lathered up for purely political partisan purposes?" asked Truthie-Ruthie.

"Of course not!" said Ditchy-Mitchy, "That would undermine my argument!"

"I don't suppose you'll tell the folks even in the EXTREME REMOTE CHANCE that state government shuts down, many essential services, like public safety, will continue running?" said Truthie-Ruthie.

"Nope! I'm not tellin' them that, either!" declared Ditchy-Mitchy.

"Damn!" You are a bunch of goofy little critters," said Truthie-Ruthie. "It's a good thing institutions like psychiatric hospitals won't be affected by your government shutdown because you all seem to be in dire need of their services!"

Reader Comments

Posted: Monday, June 29, 2009
Article comment by: No Kool-aid for Me

Let's hope they turn the lights off in Our Multi-Millionaire Mitch's office if the government is shut down.

"Dang it! What happened to them thar lights! It's those high-brow Democrats who think things like edu-kashion are big stuff.

"If you can ride a Harley, well, that's all the edu-kashion you need in my book."

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